Boy - Man - Sad

My dear parents, I am hesitating because the facts I am going to tell you, will definitely leave you spellbound. One of the facts is that I am fed up with my life. I know I can never repay what you have been doing for me but I tried my best to provide you with basic happiness but I have quitted. I can’t go forward like this.

Abba, your grey hair breaks my heart. Mummy, your crooked fingers with a needle in your hand for 20 years, makes me to make thousands of holes in my body. My younger sister, I can’t help you. Your dream of becoming a bride is an uphill task for me. I have nothing to give you. You know, I am a useless person.

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Yes, I know ending one’s life is a crime but when living is a crime in itself, what is the merit of living! I know that my Creator will be unhappy with me but I know that given my circumstances, He will forgive me. I have many reasons for ending my life.

I am unemployed. Without having a job, no one will consider me a human being. Our society is unkind that doesn’t accept the intellectuals. Whosoever earns money, is respected and taken into account. However, in my case, I have failed miserably. I can’t bear more pressure of unemployment. My mind is going to blast. There is a storm in my inner universe. I need escape.

In place of truth and law, traditions dominate. Sorry, I cannot go along with these traditions. I am a misfit in this regard. I want salvation from these illogical things. My real face is ashamed when I see people running behind traditions and bitterly criticizing the laws, even though they preach them at every moment and place.

Young man attempts suicide by setting self on fire in Tral

I have listened that fraud is a crime. However, it is the order of the day without any remorse. Almost everyone is indulged in this. For a legal thing, illegal ways are to be adopted. It is unusual for me. I can’t understand this. If my cause is genuine, what is the need of resorting to illegal ways. But there is another option of fighting for one’s right but I have no capacity to fight. My whole body, combined with the soul, has given up. It only is for breathing and a burden on the face of the earth.

My childhood was the age of domestic fights. I only saw my mother being beaten. Moreover, I saw my father fighting with his brothers and his father. I never ate peacefully in my childhood. No day would pass when we did not have a fight over land, money, marriage of my uncles, etc.

The most horrible experience of my childhood is when I used to see my mother at her maternal home. Tears don’t allow me to write. My mother had cataract. She had to go through a surgery. At that time, my younger sister was three years old. At the surgery bed, my mother would search her daughter, even though her eyes were bandaged. She had no one to look after at that time. I was in the school. I used to fear human faces. I curse myself why I could not attend my mother. Oh Allah! Why did you make human beings? This, like other events, are the permanent marks on my soul and these don’t allow me to sleep.

Trooper commits suicide at Srinagar Air Force Station

However, I want to sleep under a mound of earth, so that I can have a one night of sound sleep. I have never slept. Being hungry of sleep, I want to sleep forever. The sleep, in which no disturbance like my mother’s surgery scene, disturbs me.

I am incompetent. Though incompetent, I am thankful to my parents for sustaining me. I bow before you in humility. I can’t fight with the world and myself. I have no strength. I am good for nothing. However, my mother, I am the prince of your dead habitat. But still, I am nothing.

So, my dear parents, I am sorry for this extreme step. Your lives are spent in adversity. Happiness is an alien thing for both of you. Being acquainted to miserable things, I believe that you will bear this shock as well. I know it will leave a wide void in your lives but I can’t live. I am sorry, Abba and Mummy. I am sorry. I can’t live. Let me go peacefully. May you live happily in the world of fake happiness! May no son listen the story of her mother that I listened to. May no one is born poor! Good bye, parents!

Note: It is a fictitious piece of writing. Any resemblance with the actual life, is totally coincidental.

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