OpinionConformitism leads to Decidophobia

Conformitism leads to Decidophobia


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Behaving in accordance with socially accepted conventions leads to an indecisive state of mind, thereby, making a person helpless and poor. The inability of a person to take decisions and act upon them confidently, makes the person to stuck into his miserable condition.

People usually used to suffer silently, with the fear of acting against the orthodox system of society. They prioritise the acceptance of society over their mental sanity. Our society being so judgemental and conservative is the worst bearer of conformitism, taking the sensitive group of the people towards the state of ‘Decidophobia’.

In our society, a person is expected to follow some rules and norms which no doubt are very important to preserve our cultural and ethnic values. But man has become so rigid in following and obeying these norms that he has put his emotional well being at stake.

The emotional trait of man is least taken into consideration, rather he is being judged on the basis of his academic, financial and social status. We can go to any extreme to get this acceptable status of society, regardless of the sacrifices of emotions, wishes and desires.

Man tries to act as a machine, a certain input is given and a certain output is expected. I don’t think so there is any harm in taking your decisions of life that can take you towards peace and sanity, until and unless they are harmful to others or against the moral and human values, the values that differentiate between the human and inhuman character. Society least cares about emotional values. To society, its something to be suppressed within to get fit into the societal frame, whether you have to go through any extreme.

The best example here to be kept into consideration is that of a child. Throughout a child’s life, all his decisions, whether pertaining to minor issues, are to be taken by his parents. With time his habit of decisiveness of parents become so rigid, that they can never expect any argument from their child’s side. Here I’m not opposing parents’ decisiveness for their child. They, being experienced and true well-wishers of the child, can help in better decision making but their role here should be only to help in decision making rather thrusting their decisions over their children. After all, it’s the child who has to live his life, and he has his interests.

By forcefully thrusting their decisions over the child, they just create a maladjusted personality, void of emotions and feelings. They, in turn, follow the same traditional practices for upbringing of their children. It doesn’t make an individual to suffer. It can make families, communities and nations to suffer. As how can we expect a progressive nation where old traditional dogmas are followed and people are going through the state of ‘Decidophobia’.

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As far as the proper and healthy upbringing of a child is concerned, I opinionate a careful handling of a child by his parents.

During the early years of his age, a child needs to be completely vigiliated and taken care of. As the child begins to his later childhood years, a quality of decisiveness should be tried to develop in the child by allowing his participation in day to day chores and activities, like we can seek the decision of the child regarding his meals, side by side providing him adequate information about healthy and unhealthy diets. In the same way, while getting dressed up, they should be asked as to what they like to wear, by allowing them to make a selection from their closet. This will create a sort of confidence among the child that he can make better choices by himself.

At times, the child can make wrong choices and can act against the desirable behaviour. But being more careful during such situations, we should try to make the child to act in a desirable manner. This modification of the behaviour should be encouraging and motivating and not thrusting or forcing anything upon the child by making taunts and cold-hearted comments, that can take the child towards self-complex and sense of self-worthlessness.

The painful words used against the child by his parent or his teacher will strike in his mind forever and may hamper his ability of decisiveness. No doubt we, as a parent or a teacher, do it for the betterment of the child but unknowingly, we raise a conformist personality with Decidophobia.

The seeds of conformitism are usually sown in the early years of a child. This seed gets further nourishment during the remaining years of a person’s life.

Be it the choice of career-making, choosing a life partner or be it the issue of putting an end to a toxic material life, everything is to be decided by others. The vehicle of our life is driven by others, who least care what we are suffering from or what we are going through or what can take us towards sanity. No, the conformitism of society is far superior than a person’s mental peace.

There are certain cases where a person takes extreme step and acts against society, thereby breaking the chains of conformitism. But believe me, the struggle of acting against society is far more dangerous than to fight with our own self. If this hadn’t been true, Socrates won’t have given preference to the cup of Hemlock.

Usually, breaking the chains of conformitism can lead us in untoward situations, thereby forcing us to absorb the bitterness of taunts for the rest of our life. This can diminish the self-confidence of a person, ultimately resulting in ‘Decidophobia’. How can such a person, ridiculed once for his mistake, be expected to take confident steps in future.

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‘Decidophobia’ is a situation or we can say a condition, which has nearly affected half of the world’s population, most of which are the young eaters who are supposed to be the backbone of the society but unfortunately produced as the backbone of conformitism.

Fearing from the averse situations of the decision, because of the antagonistic attitude of family, friends and society, a person prefers to dwell in the life less world of conformists. Severe cases of depression and stress are found in the people who have gone through the aversive results of their decisions, particularly if their decisions are taken against the wishes of their family or the protocols of the society.

A person should not become the victim of conformitism or the decisions taken by him at a particular time in a particular situation. The fate is in the hands of Almighty Allah. A firm believer knows whatever good or bad happens to him is from Allah and not from anybody else, so why to fear, why to make others incharge of our life or accuse others or ourselves for the ill that happened to us.

Time doesn’t remain constant, it passes. So let’s be flexible, be kind to yourself and to others. Our religion doesn’t favour any rigidity or harshness. If it would be so, then people from other religious wouldn’t be allowed conversion to Islam. Remember, the Messengers of Allah had to suffer a lot while adhering to the path of truth and justice.

Fearing from struggles and antagonism and suffering in silence is a kind of ‘suicide’ in itself and our religion doesn’t favour suicide. Fight, fight for the sake of Allah, for the sake of your rights, for justice as you are among one of His creation and you are dearer to Him.

Don’t wait for others to lend a helping hand but keep your belief firm upon Allah and fight for what is fair and just. Fearing from antagonism of society, rather fearing from Allah, has given rise to most of the social evils and most of problems.

If we tend to be strong and firm, most of our problems will get solved. Even nations will receive a boon with more confident and mentally sound people; not with those who suffer in silence while struggling day and night with their own self. Because only a confident and flexible, in nature, man can take strong decisions and act upon them as well as revocate the decisions taken as per time and need. Because nothing remains fixed and constant except the “Zaat-e-Yakta” of “Almight Allah”.

Masarat Nabi
Masarat Nabi
Hailing from Kupwara district of Kashmir, Masarat Nabi is a teacher by profession. Her introvert, ambivalent personality moved her to give life to her thoughts in the form of words.


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