I was never a normal child. I had and still have a natural dependence on my mother. When I used to go to my maternal home in my childhood without my mother, I would regret why I went without her in the evening. I would hardly spend a night there. Early in the morning, I would come back and feared that some trouble would have taken place at my home.

I would study on my mother’s bed till late night. During exams, I would sleep with her because of the stress of examination.

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When I was in the college in B.A. 1st Year, I couldn’t prepare well for the exams due to strikes and agitation in the Valley. I didn’t want to face my exams but as I had to take them, my mother would come with me and wait for me outside my examination hall. It would keep me satisfied that she is outside and no trouble is coming my way. I was extremely dependent on my mother.

Anyway, after completing my graduation, it was time to join university for further studies. It was the time to leave my home and to live in a rented accommodation at least eighty kilometers away from my mother. It was the toughest test of my life.

I could only attend classes in the university. On every Saturday, I would come back and used to spend every single Sunday and every single holiday with my mother. Whether it was Winter or Summer, Spring or Autumn, I prepared for my exams at my home.

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In Winters, when it was very difficult to reach the examination centre on time, I wouldn’t stay in the hostel and used to attend university from my home.

It was never a normal behavior. I would rather get surprised as to how other students stay for months in the hostel without their parents especially their mothers. I would often ask such sort of questions to myself.

I completed my post graduation and came back home. My friends stayed in the university but I couldn’t because for two years, I had lived without my mother and didn’t want to spend any more time without her.

I had a dream of studying outside the Valley and wanted to pursue Ph.D in any of the prestigious institutes as I was told by my teachers that research aspect is not good in Kashmir University.

I would ask questions to myself that can I survive outside as I have to leave my mother and stay for months without her. It was not possible to go home on every Saturday. I applied in many universities of the country but couldn’t join. It felt like dying if I left my mother.

Workshop on "Youth & Mental Health" held at Women's College Srinagar

She would encourage me and say, “Just hold your tongue outside the Valley and no one will harm you.” She didn’t know that I have a natural dependence on her. As I would think over it that I have to leave her and stay there without her for months, tears would start rolling down my face.

I started working on this problem and to become independent. In this struggle, I lost four precious years of my life. I suffered from depression. I consulted Psychologists who tried to help me.

Almighty knows how long it will take me to overcome this problem. Will it be life-long or I will be able to overcome this to decide my destiny.

To be independent in one’s life is very important. One should be very flexible. One should accept the reality that change is the law of nature. Your destiny and future is not determined only by how much intellect you have and how much you work hard to achieve your goals but it also depends on how much you acclimatize yourself to the changing conditions. One, who wants to live a successful life, should face problems like any mountain faces winds.

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